I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
