I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
