I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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