so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
