He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
it was like eating out sand paper
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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