I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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