Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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