Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
