Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
