i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
