morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
