He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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