well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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