why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
