So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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