the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
