Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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