you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
