Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
