I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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