I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
