I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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