So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
