I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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