my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
