Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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