When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
