we have pet lesbian snakes
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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