I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
