I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
