Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
