At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
