No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
