Pants 0. Shit 1.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
