He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
