Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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