How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
