I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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