I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
