someone get that fucking seahorse.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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