Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
