Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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