i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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