And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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