White coat. Heels.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
