I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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