The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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