I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
