We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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