Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
