You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
