I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
