sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
