eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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