Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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