Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How's work?
Spinning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
