i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
