2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
