note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
