if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize