oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
