my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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