as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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